By Carl Herkes Today I will discuss some simple, yet effective techniques that will help break down walls you may be building in your relationship. It does not make any difference if you are married or not. When two people value their relationship but have differences they are failing to resolve, something must be done. If nothing is done, the relationship will degrade, eventually resulting in either a breakup, divorce or the couple staying together but living an unhappy life. You obviously didnt form your relationship with this outcome in mind. One thing that you must understand is that it will take some effort to turn things in the right direction in your relationship. Any and all relationships take some nurturing to keep them healthy and happy. If you dont believe this or are not willing to put forth any effort at all, reading this article may be a waste of your time. If you are ready to take a positive step that could produce amazing results, please read on. Constructive communication is downright scary for many couples. Too many times the recipient of the message feels they are being attacked and goes into a defensive mode, many times with a counter-attack. When this happens, not only the constructive facet of communication is lost, but future communication is also jeopardized resulting in a destructive pattern. Rules of communication must be set, agreed to, and adhered to during your conversations. Planned discussions with rules are a great way to foster constructive communication. When discussions are planned in advance by both parties, decided when and how often they are held, a potential threat of whos attacking who is removed. For example, you and your partner agree to talk about your relationship every Sunday after lunch at 1:00 PM. You agree to stick to this schedule for 2 months, after which you decide if this schedule is working well or not. If youve made a lot of progress by then, perhaps you could switch to a monthly schedule. Below, I will summarize the steps to this simple, but effective approach to healthy communication. 1. Sit down with your partner and come to agreement on the following. What times and days will you have your discussions? Agree on rules. Discussions are always to be constructive. Try to present your case in a non-aggressive manner. When you do this it makes me feel this way is a better approach than You must hate me and not care about me because you always do this Always remember to stay calm. Arguing or raising your voice is not an option. After a couple meetings, you may have most of your main issues on the table. If you get through these initial meetings, it should get easier as you go. 2. At the beginning of each meeting, each partner will take turns speaking. When one is speaking, the listener should only listen and not interject comments. This is a time for the listener to do a self-evaluation and not look for a good comeback, but truly try to see it from their partners viewpoint. The speaker should remember to follow the rules of healthy communication. Do not portray your case as blaming or you will not get the results you are seeking. You may want to take notes about what your partner is saying and read those notes throughout the week. If you care about making changes for the good of the relationship, taking notes will help you keep your partners concerns fresh in your mind so you can act on them. 3. After each of you have voiced your concerns, now its time for you (again, one at a time) to recognize each others progress since the last meeting. Discuss any changes the other has made in their habits or behavior, no matter how small. Let them know that you noticed their changes and appreciate it. Remember, it takes time to change. Dont expect rapid changes in your partner or youll disappoint yourself. If this is your very first meeting, simply tell your partner some things you appreciate about them. Finishing each meeting with positive discussion will help to lighten the air. You dont want to leave a meeting with knots in your stomach! I have shared with you some very basic techniques that can help you to make positive changes in your relationship. These techniques will only work if both partners are willing to put forth some effort, refrain from engaging in the blame game and be willing to take a serious look at their behavior. Carl Herkes Owner of ExoticFlames.com and GlassFlames.com shares his knowledge. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carl_Herkes http://EzineArticles.com/?Things-You-Can-Do-to-Keep-Your-Relationship-Healthy&id=120379 no hassle payday loans
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By Teddy Shabba Choosing to focus on things that don’t matter and won’t change is a good way to not get what you want. The reason why I write this is so many, many men focus their energy on why a particular woman has stopped talking to him or won’t return his phone call. Now, if this were to only happen to men who are in long term relationships, I might understand. However, when it happens to men who at most have went on a few dates with a woman, this I refuse to accept. Mainly because any reason she has for cutting off communication with you isn’t going to change your situation with her and if it does she will communicate that when the time comes. Also, you knowing why she stopped talking to you might cause you to change something about yourself for no other reason than because she said so; even though you changing that about yourself won’t attract you to her. If you think or want to know what you should or need to change about yourself, asking a woman who doesn’t like you now is the wrong person to ask. Her reasons might be part of the reason why you aren’t attracting a woman into your life or her reasons might just be reasons she just doesn’t like and another woman would be perfectly okay with, or even find charming. In the end, women who don’t call you back, or end it without telling you, are the type of women you don’t want in your life anyways. So what is the point in worrying why they do what they do? Teddy Shabba is a Dating Coach for Men who has a daily newsletter that provides you with a wealth of information on how to be more successful with women. You can sign up for the Teddy Shabba Dating Advice Newsletter for Men now. Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man. To learn more about How To Attract Women visit our article section Attract Women Today Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Teddy_Shabba http://EzineArticles.com/?Why-Women-Stop-Talking-To-You-Without-Ever-Ending-It&id=554450 pay day lending
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By Dave Lorenzo In every office around the world there is a big bag of money just sitting in a closet. That bag of money is the secret stash that the big shots give to people who provide value. Your job is to get them to reach into that bag and give you the increase that you deserve. There is a good chance that your company doesnt really have that bag of money in the closet. But it is important that you keep that mental image with you as you seek a pay increase. There is almost always a way for a company to reward a star performer. Sometimes this reward involves financial compensation. Sometimes the compensation can come in the form of an added benefit. Sometimes a company will only offer something as simple as a new place to sit or a larger office. The goal of this article is to help you receive something additional from your employer. As you begin, you need to take a good hard look at your performance. Have you created value for your company? If so, can you quantify how much value you have created? (If you are in sales, this is pretty easy. You simply need to look at the amount of business you have brought into the firm. In other areas, look at money you have saved the company since your last pay increase.) When you examine your performance, examine it as it compares to your peers within your organization. If you are not near the top of the list, you probably do not have a viable argument for seeking an increase. Next compare your performance to other people in your industry. Are you above average? Again, if you are not, you should probably improve your performance before you ask for a raise. Now that you know how valuable you are to the company, and where you stand in the pecking order, you can begin to make a reasonable case for an increase. Get your numbers together. Make sure you can present some figures to the boss that show the value you have created. DO NOT compare yourself to anyone in your current organization. You boss will have access to these numbers. She will know exactly where you stand in the firm. At this stage you are just looking to put some figures on paper that will show that you have a good understanding of the value you create. Picking the right opportunity for the money conversation is critical. Timing is everything in business. There are a few times that are ideal for having a conversation about a pay increase. These times are: Right after you have received an award. If your company (or better yet your industry) recognizes your value by giving you an award, you have some good momentum. Go for it. After you have closed a big deal, saved some big money for the firm or played a critical role on a project. Once again you can capitalize on some positive momentum. If you have agreed to take on additional responsibility. This is particularly true if you will be doing the jobs of multiple individuals. A labor savings will often result in additional compensation for the remaining workers. After your boss has received an award. If your boss is performing at a high level, she may want to share some of the recognition with you. After the company has announced a good financial period. If the company is making more money, there might be some additional compensation available for key contributors. When the moment of truth arrives for the conversation make sure you are dressed well and you have excellent personal hygiene. (This sounds basic but there is nothing worse than sitting across from someone who is asking for money and smells like they slept in a dumpster). As you make your case, talk about the numbers. Show the value you have provided. Explain how you plan to continue to provide even more value in the future. It is key that you appear rational and unemotional. Approach this as a business transaction. Once the conversation is over give your boss time to process the information. Dont pester her every day for an answer. She may have several people she needs to speak with to get authorization for your request. After a week to ten days, follow up with a friendly e-mail asking if she has any information on your request. If she does not, it is appropriate to ask her to estimate when she will have an answer. There are a few things that you should definitely NOT do when asking for a raise. DONT talk about the reason you need the money. This will not be a consideration for most companies. Your problems are not their problems. Saying that you have personal financial difficulty only makes you appear weak. DONT demand to be paid as much as a specific employee in your firm. Comparing yourself to other employees will only get ugly in the long run. Its OK to compare yourself to the average pay for your position or the average compensation in your industry, but dont compare yourself to an individual. DONT threaten to leave. Your relationship with you boss will never recover from a threat. If you are good at your job, your boss will know that you have options. You dont need to rub it in her face. The bottom line in asking for a raise is that you must be a value-creator to deserve additional consideration. Highlight the ways you create value. Talk about your value in financial terms. Time your conversation appropriately. Take a rational and business-like approach toward requesting more compensation. Remember that most businesses try to obtain services as inexpensively as possible. This includes labor. Chances are good that you will only receive more if you ask for it. David Lorenzo has more than 20 years of business experience as a successful corporate executive, entrepreneur, strategist, author, and speaker. He has worked with and mentored some of the worlds most successful businesspeople while helping lead many large organizations to unprecedented success. His latest book is titled: Career Intensity: Business Strategy for Workplace Warriors and Entrepreneurs. Mr. Lorenzos experience in starting new business enterprises and repositioning under-performing business units, along with his ability to implement innovative performance improvement solutions, makes him one of todays most sought-after trusted advisors. Mr. Lorenzo is a participant in the Wharton Fellows Program at the University of Pennsylvania, a management think tank that meets regularly to analyze and address timely business issues. He received his MBA from the Lubin School of Business at Pace University, and he received a Masters of Science in Strategic Communications from Columbia University in New York City. Dave’s blog is http://www.careerintensity.com/blog Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dave_Lorenzo http://EzineArticles.com/?How-to-Ask-for-a-Raise&id=164876 personal loan no credit
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By Mark Baber Recently a job seeker sent me this inquiry below, relating to their problems with how to dress for an interview. Read on and see how sometimes the issues become confusing. “Hello Mark, Couple days ago I went to a job interview with a national restaurant chain. I got the interview through a recruiter, who told me to dress “appropriately” for the job interview. So I wore Dockers, a nice shirt with button down collar and neck tie. And I wore my non-slip shoes, as the interview was to take place at one of their restaurant locations, I figured safety first. I would have wore my dress suit, but when the recruiter said to dress “appropriately,” I took that to mean to dress according to the interview location. So I did. Well, I just heard back from the recruiter and he told me I was out of consideration for the job. One of the reasons he mentioned for me being removed, was my manner of dress, and specifically mentioned my shoes. The interviewer didn’t feel I was dressed correctly for the job interview. I feel as though I was dressed correctly, because we met at a in-operation restaurant location. How is one to know what is appropriate and what is not appropriate job interview dress? Tracy M, Lexington, KY” As you see from the letter above, job interview dress issues can be confusing. When I speak with my own job candidates, my advice about how to dress for any job interview is almost always the same: “Dress as though you are going to meet the President of the Company.” When you enter a job interview, first impressions are lasting. You are not dressing to impress the person or persons with whom you are meeting — though that may also be a benefit of your appearance — instead, you are dressing to exhitbit yourself as a professional in your vocation. Never quibble over this, always dress for success, however cliche it may sound.
Now, there are some exceptions, which is why I say above my advice is ‘almost always the same:’ when it comes to what to wear to a job interview. For example, when your interview may include a work environment tour that requires protective clothing or when formal clothing may be vulnerable to destruction, such as a tour of a factory or manufacturing plant, or construction site, or mining facility. But in such cases, don’t assume, ask your interviewer prior to your visit what they consider proper attire. Don’t guess, and if you cannot verify their opinion of what to wear, ‘always dress for success.’ Risking the cost of cleaning or even replacing a dress suit may seem an expensive way to get a job, but if you get the job, it may seem a small price to pay. Best Of Luck With Your Job Search Mark Baber has 20 years experience as an Executive Search recruiter, with placement background in many industries, including: Retail, Manufacturing, Sales, Accounting/Finance, MIS/IT, Petro/Chemical, and others; enjoying client relationships with firms like WalMart, OfficeDepot, Texaco, CircleK and other national and international firms. Mark has written many articles and books on recruitment and other topics, like Marketing strategies, Sales psychology, Training and other business related subjects. He studied at the University of Texas, focusing on Communications, Marketing, and Journalism. Later became Managing Editor for “Treatment Today Magazine,” a publication focused on psychology, psychiatry, counseling, and drug treatment. Mark Baber is Recruit Consultant to http://www.JobNewsRadio.com where Jobseekers access 2 Million job transactions monthly, and can submit their Resumes Free and have them distributed freely to Employers they choose by industry, vocation, City or Region. Or submit your resume directly via: http://www.mcbaber.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mark_Baber http://EzineArticles.com/?Job-Interview-Issues—How-To-Dress-To-Match-The-Interview&id=82085 nys free credit report
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